


To Let Him See It

by fuck_you_kylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Catharsis, Crying, Dacryphilia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Relationship(s), Poor Hux, Post TLJ, Voyeurism, pretty sure That's Not How the Force Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuck_you_kylo/pseuds/fuck_you_kylo
Summary: Kylo always thought pain rolled off Hux like water from a duck. But when their neglected force bond reignites in the middle of the night, he finds out how wrong he was.





	To Let Him See It

**Author's Note:**

> I was a little drunk when I wrote this and I don't have a beta. Additionally, I'm describing some pretty fucky Force dynamics, so please let me know if it's hard to understand and I'll try to clarify it.  
> Happy new year.

On his second night as Supreme Leader, Kylo woke up to the sensation of tears on his face, hot, stinging a cut on his lip. He did not recall any unsettling dreams, but given the events of the past several days, a nightmare would not be unexpected. He had, after all, lost pretty much everyone. Rey’s rejection had left him in tears more than once before now. But the lingering flavor of the dream wasn’t the feeling of heartbreak and loss that had hung over the last cycles; this was more like fear, desperation. Helplessness. Ren pressed his face into the pillow briefly, sighed, then got up and went to the fresher to wash his face.

When he turned on the light, and looked in the mirror, he was surprised to see his face was dry, his eyes unswollen and free of redness. There was no cut on his lip to sting from the salt. Yet even as he watched his sleepy, impassive face, he felt another invisible tear form in the corner of his eye and drip, sideways, over the bridge of his nose. As if he were lying on his side. This breakdown, it occurred to him suddenly, wasn’t his.

It was Hux. In his own quarters, curling in on himself under the covers, sobbing. Kylo was stunned. Even in their most intimate moments (all of which were many months in the past), Hux had never shown the slightest emotion beyond horniness or annoyance. Their breakup, initiated by Kylo, was a cold affair, and Hux seemed to see it as little more than a discontinuation of a mildly diverting recreational activity. In fact, had he called it that? Kylo couldn’t remember.

Kylo got back in his own bed and dipped further into their neglected connection to find the source of Hux’s tears. He couldn’t see Hux the way he had seen Rey (her own Force powers must have allowed that); this was a more tactile, kinesthetic connection. And because Hux had not slammed him out, Kylo could only assume that he was unaware of it. And if Kylo was honest with himself, he knew what this was about. He could feel the soreness in his own neck when he focused, the bruises pulled painfully taut with each of Hux’s wavering inhales. His heart sank when he felt Hux’s broken rib shooting pain through his torso with each sob.

It’s not that Kylo hadn’t realized that he had injured Hux. He just never imagined that it affected him much, beyond the inconvenience of patching himself up with his basic medkit. Both of them had taken beating after beating from Snoke over the years, and both knew it was best to lick your wounds in private and hide the limp, like a wild animal, or else be singled out for further punishment. Don’t scream, don’t bleed visibly, _certainly_ don’t seek outside medical attention. Hux knew these rules and followed them faithfully. It was almost like he was designed for it, pain rolling off him like water from a duck, and Kylo found it perversely admirable. The recent incidents certainly hadn’t lessened his contempt for Kylo, who was starting to suspect that no amount of abuse would wring the insolence from the title “Supreme Leader” when it was coming from Hux’s mouth.

Kylo lay very still and felt out the topography of Hux’s emotions. Fear was the most urgent and threaded through everything else, but underneath it lay a hopeless, trapped feeling and impotent frustration. Feeling Hux’s tears make their way down his own cheeks was so horrifically intimate that he had to try not to squirm, but neither could Kylo rip himself away from witnessing such a rare event. The discomfort was lessened only by knowing that Hux was oblivious to his presence, and that was a gift to them both, because Hux would hate to be intruded upon.

As minutes passed, the self-consciousness increased. Sometimes he would think Hux was calming down, only for his stomach muscles to jump again and fresh tears to appear. There was literally no point to spying on Hux’s breakdown. He was unequivocally Hux’s superior now, so no point to blackmailing him, and besides, this was just too pathetic to use anyway. And that was the rub of it; Hux was so pathetic, it was hard not to feel a little sorry for him. The right thing to do would be to just turn away and leave him to it.

But still, there was an appeal to seeing Hux broken down like this, free from his usual affectations; he looked more human now than he ever had before. Part of him wanted to break Hux down further, to see how human he could get. He had never gotten to truly break Hux, when they were together, though he had tried. The sex was efficient and workmanlike (Hux had no patience for teasing or denial), he always came with a single gasp, cleaned himself up, tossed Kylo a towel, then left. Never so much as a crack in his facade. But now, Hux was completely broken open, all his private pains laid out for Kylo to examine. The closeness was strangely delicious, and Kylo’s cock stirred in his shorts. But more than wanting to jerk off, he wanted to comfort Hux, lick and kiss away his tears. He twitched his fingers in his own hair, imagining that he could stroke Hux’s mussed hair.

In his room, Hux froze. Kylo froze. He felt Hux sit bolt upright, his terror spiking, his heart racing, irrationally sure that the Supreme Leader was there to eliminate him.

“R-ren?” Hux said aloud to the empty room. His voice was thick and broken, and it sliced right through Kylo.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said quietly, “This is the Force.”

“Why are you here?”

“I didn’t mean to be. I woke up and felt your distress.”

“Oh.” Hux sounded very tired, and the lack of fight in his response was alarming. Kylo stroked his own hair reflexively, and Hux gave a little shiver. “So you’ve been watching me for...how long?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll go,” Kylo said.

“No!” The panic in Hux’s answer slammed into him immediately, as if every cell in his body rejected the thought of being alone again.

“Should-- do you want me to come over?” Kylo asked, confused, and the fear that ripped through him in response, Hux’s fear, was just as insistent as the first “no.” But when Hux spoke, his voice was more composed.

“That’s not necessary. Just stay...here, however you’re doing it, for a little while,” he said, and settled back under the covers. Kylo lay back in his bed as well, and continued running his fingers through his own hair, stroking and scratching, and felt Hux’s pleasant feedback. The pleasure was only skin-deep though; Kylo felt the heaviness building back up in their chests, and soon Hux was sighing and sobbing again, quieter this time, the fear less urgent but the hopelessness amplified. Kylo wanted to rub Hux’s back, but since he couldn’t reach all the way around to his own back, he settled for his shoulder. Hux hummed miserably at his touch, and Kylo felt slim fingers wipe at the phantom tears on his face.

“Ren, listen,” Hux began, “I know you never...liked me. Back then. That’s not what it was about. But I thought you at least valued my life a little more than this.” Ren felt Hux pressing at the bruises on his neck, and his heart sank.  

“I’m sorry, Hux. I didn’t mean--”

“Don’t you dare apologize!” Hux cried. Kylo paused his stroking, taken aback.

“Of course you didn’t fucking mean it. If you could have restrained yourself, I believe you would have done, but you were out of control, like you always are. Your apology is nothing, because you cannot say it won’t happen again.”

“It won’t, though,” Kylo said.

“And how do you suppose I’ll feel when it does anyway? Best to just save your promises, ” Hux said, and let out a shaky huff.

“I’m not going to hurt you again. There’s no way I can do this without you. I need you, Hux,” Kylo said.

“Yes, everyone needs me,” Hux said bitterly. “Snoke needed me too; he needed me twenty hours a day. It didn’t stop him from throwing me around, either. Don’t,” Hux said, waving Kylo’s arm away from his shoulder.

“I thought…” Hux continued, “I thought that, even though you didn’t want to be with me, there was still some mutual respect. I could still trust you a little. I should have known better.”

The way Hux talked about their breakup was disconcerting, as if Kylo was the one who had held all the cards. If Hux had feelings for Kylo, he had done an exceptional job of burying it. And now Kylo couldn’t find the right thing to say.

 “I thought you just needed to get fucked.” This was probably the wrong thing. But Hux didn’t react right away, just sighed.

“I wasn’t going to push my luck with you. Get needy,” Hux’s tired voice had steadied, but the occasional tear still slipped down his cheek. Kylo reached up to his own face to gently thumb one away, then rubbed his hand through his hair again. He felt Hux’s lips twitch into an almost-smile, and in that moment Kylo felt like he would give up everything to defend that fragile moment of happiness amid all the destruction he had caused. Carefully, he raised his hand and touched the smooth skin of his neck and lightly caressed it, using the other hand to wipe away the overwhelmed tears that immediately followed.

“Hux.”

“Yes?”

“Why did you ask me to stay, when you found out I was here?” 

“I don’t know. It feels good to let you see it.” Kylo traced his fingers down Hux’s bruised neck to his collarbones, then placed a hand over his cracked rib and held it there.

“Hux.”

“Yes?”

“Let me come over.”

“...Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://the-force-electric.tumblr.com/)!


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